I don't like this question. It's too tempting.
Ever since childhood, I've found it much too easy to become wrapped up in my hopes for the future. When I was a little girl, I would sit with my best friend in my pink and purple pajamas and Winnie the Pooh sleeping bag, and on the floor of my room, we would plan our weddings. Yes, silly as it is, I did it.
In middle school, I wanted to be in high school. In high school, I wanted to be in college. My hobby for those four years was perusing college websites. I wanted to be out so bad.
I've always been an optimist, so I've always loved imagining the future. The optimist in me is certain that the best is yet to come. But as a pessimist would say, optimists are often disappointed.
One of my biggest disappointments in life was made worse because I was so invested in the uncertain future than the palpable present. I applied to a residential arts school, blantantly sure I would get in, and planned the entirity of my high school and college years on going to that school. Needless to say, I did not get in. And if I hadn't been so utterly invested in it, the rejection wouldn't have been such a big deal.
I can talk about that experience with a smile and no regrets now, because it taught me a valuable lesson-- stay focused on the present, because tomorrow is no guarentee.
So, because I have this addiction to imagining what the future might be like, I hate it when people ask me the five year question. Or ten year question, that's worse. I could really go crazy imagining what might fill in that much time. It's like drinking in front of a recovering AA member. Not cool.
But I'll indulge myself today, since obviously being date-less on Valentine's day got me thinking about it. Now, I was actually fairly not-bitter this year, though the holiday always makes me want to look to the future.
In five years, I'll probably be getting my first teaching job, looking around for my first home, and all that jazz. I'll have finished college and grad school, and the time will have come to join the real world.
I often wonder if I'll settle in my hometown, close to my family. Heck, my alma mater would be a fantastic place to teach. But... that might be a little too close to home. I've thought about settling close to Charleston, and teaching in a school there. I like the idea more and more.
But in five years, I don't think I'll be married. Maybe getting close by that point. But probably not married yet. But who knows right?
I like to think having my own family one day. And we would invite another family over, the guys would grill out, argue over who was the better griller, maybe kids would be running around the back yard. Maybe not. Maybe it's just us adults. I just like imagining these scenes.
I hope my parents are proud. My brother and I both chose fairly noble professions. I'll be a teacher, he a soldier. And one day, I want my husband to grill out with my brother while his wife/girlfriend/signifcant other and I laugh at them over iced tea.
As much as I love being in college, I don't want to be here forever. I know days of grilling out aren't all glamour. Maybe we have a giant fight before the other couple comes over and start the day in that awful, post fight funk. Maybe there are kids, and one falls out of a tree and breaks his arm. I figure there's always some crisis waiting around the corner in adulthood, in the quote "real world" but I'm ready to take it on. I'm ready to live.
