what is grace?

grace is in my cell phone.

>>i hope you sleep well. God is in control. sermons are being preached. i hope i pay attention. Peace be with you...


<<Thanks. I hope I her them. Peace to you too

>>you are in the middle of your sermon...and it's going very well. bless you.




grace is at my job, in my classroom

do you need me to bring in lesson plans?
i came to give you a hug
you get a visit today
smiles and smiles and hands and hugs

grace is in my students, in their eyes and hands and words

you have the support of 7th period
i'm going to hug you know
i love you in a non-creepy way
you have to smile when you know he'll be okay, really
sorry about your friend
you just keep going and keep your head up, because if you don't smile, you can't do anything


grace is on Facebook, in my ears, touching my shoulder

grace is sitting with me on the beach
listening to the ocean weep

what is grief?

Grief is not to be found in a dictionary, but in snapshots.
It looks like eyes--eyes closed, eyes open, eyes hidden.

Grief is being afraid to sleep because dreams are so frail and uncontrolled;
you could see anything there.

Grief is being afraid to sleep because it means admitting
you've been awake, that it was real.

Grief is showering because it is something to do.

Grief is made up of hours slipping by in seconds that pass like days.

There are less tears in grief than blank stares.

Grief is not a lack of beauty, but a sole appreciation
for some beauty that is fleeting, a narrow gaze fixed
on that one point, taking  joy from nothing else.

The worst part?

Grief is knowing that worst is still to come.

Where God is.

I. Verse

where is god?
on first and amistad?

where is god?
"god is in her citadels; he has shown himself to be her fortress..."
where is god when the battle's already lost?
or when no one wants to fight at all?
does god take sides?

where is god?
"our god is in heaven; he does whatever pleases him."
what if it pleases no one else?
is it wrong to be displeased?
is heaven far away?

where is god?
"god is in heaven, and you are on earth, so let your words be few."
i'm looking for god.
i have plenty to say, but no words anyway.

where is god?
"the law of god is in their hearts; their feet do not slip."
what law? whose hearts?
i slip all the time.

II. Song

where is god?

"god is in this place."
where can i find this place?
is it green and lush, or
clean and plush?
is it simple and plain, or
are the windows stained?

"god is in the radio"
i guess so...

"god is in the roses and the thorns"
what about dandelions or tulips
or poison ivy or the vines that climb
and swallow the lightposts?

"god is in the room when she looks at me"
who is this imaginary girl?
what does she know that she won't share?
does she love you?

"god is in it"--what?
"god is in the house"--whose house?
"god is in control"-- i suppose i know.

god is most everywhere according to
billy jonas.
not the microwave sometimes.
might be into leather.
"god in the child's eyes, see them wide, wondrous, wise."

why is god not in the song i want to sing?



III. Punctuation

god is in the single dot. the full stop.
even eternity must have paused
to catch her breath in bethlehem,
on calvary, in that hospital room with me.

god is in the comma, and god is
like outstretched hands, connecting
or a long pause, gasping.

god is in the exclamation's shout!
the anger, the fervor, the wonder!

god could be in the colon:
the answer.

god is in the semi-colon; god
joins what would remain apart.

is god in the question mark?
is the curve and unoffensive dot
the mark of the fall of a former
zealot?
is it my downfall, my lack of faith?
or is it the curve of god's embrace?

IV. Places

god may be here, maybe near.
god may be trapped within closed pages, or
flung far across the stars and spaces.

god may be in a child's face,
even when that smile is screwed in place

god may be in the jungle's leaves
the city's sleeves.

god may be in the resting place or
the runner's pace.

god may be in the IV line, the glass of wine.
god is in my last glimpse of grace.

confessions of a Church Girl

I am Church Girl.

I'm the girl that prayed and sang and spoke at the altar,

the one the old people loved, the one they could trust.

I'm the girl who closed her eyes when people prayed,

who raised her hands during music, who cried when

things were intense, but NOT

when they didn't

make sense.

I'm the girl who got angry about hypocrisy, about

hatred and prejudice, the girl asked you questions

you couldn't answer, that you didn't want to hear,

they were too...real,  the girl they weren't

so sure of

anymore.

I was Church Girl.

The truth is, I'm not her,

can't be her, not how you

want her.

You didn't mind if I wanted to speak as long

as I said

the right things, that I didn't speak
out of turn,

didn't mind if I 

prayed

as long as I closed my eyes and

you didn't mind if I cried.

You liked it, I think. Liked that I cried,

liked that you could inspire, could move

the Church Girl. 

You didn't mind that I cried as long as 

I cried about beauty or the right sins or the lost.

If I cried about betrayal or loneliness or doubt

or war

or tragedy

or hypocrisy...

you didn't want to

listen

to that.

Church Girl should be 

stronger

than that.

Church Girl should be in church.

Church should be out here,
out here where the sun shines,
where pain hurts, where people admit
their doubts, the fears,
where people hear.

I can't be Inside with you forever.
I can't be Church Girl; I'm giving you notice.
It's not you, it's me.
We can still be friends, when you
come Outside once in a while,
when you decide its in style.

Confession:

I am not Church Girl.

Back to Real Life

After having a few weeks to be unwillingly distanced from my experience in San Franciso, I've had the chance to describe my experience to close friends and family. Good news: Many of my friends and family members want to know how they can become a moral and wise consumer. However, my training was less focused on the supply chain and more geared toward the identification and reporting of potential human trafficking activity. I can give more advice to those who live in a high probability location than I can to my friends who just want to be sure their purchases are not supporting modern slavery.

However, here's what I can tell you:

• Download and use the Free2Work (free2work.org) on your phone to see the rating for companies you buy from often. If they have a D or an F, I urge you to cut them out of your spending. All of these companies were notified of their rating before it was published, to give them an opportunity to change or appeal. If their rating is still a D or an F, they refused to comply.
• Pay attention the news, social media, and current events; if a big name company is caught using forced labor and the story breaks, it will be everywhere. Do not give your money to companies who are using forced labor. 
• Spread the word. When you come across a brand or company with a bad rating or labor scandal, tell the people you know. Most everyone you know is also a moral human being who doesn't want to support modern slavery. 
• Don't think this doesn't happen here! Labor trafficking is very real in the United States, and even in South Carolina. The people most at risk in our area are illegal immigrants, particularly in jobs related to domestic work (cleaning or childcare), hotels and tourism, construction, and restaurants. When you frequent places like this, be OBSERVANT and LISTEN.
• Sex trafficking is also alive and well even here; those most at risk in our area are young adults and teenagers, particularly coming from povetry-stricken and low-educated areas, who fall prey to what appears to be an easy and glamorous job advertisement on the internet or an older, doting boyfriend or girlfriend. It's true that females are more likely to be victims of sex trafficking than males, but it is not exclusive by any means.
• Please, contact me or get involved with NotForSale and Free2Work to learn more!